Emotions define a man, it is often said, to feel is human.
Sometimes emotions strike a blow more physical than corporal punishment. It is easy to overcome a blow to the body; not so easy to bear a strike on your essence. For essence is defined by the ability to feel. The soul is a torrid vortex of emotions; they take you high to the peaks of living life and to the dark abyss of merely existing.
Renowned bards, saga tellers hail love, comradeship to be the strongest drivers of the will; the prime movers of human existence. Lurking there in the shadows is one such emotion that is always overlooked. You won’t come across a thousand word poem glorifying it or even pleading for its recognition. Yet is forms the underlying basis for all of them. It is expectation.
How often is it that you stop and think about expectations either that you have or someone else has from you. Most likely the reader would stop to think if expectation even falls under the umbrage of emotions; it does not matter for I think that it does. Expectation moulds our life; our very being is characterized by expectation. Even before the actual birth, expectations are imposed on that deformed foetus. It’s surprising actually that we live for the duration that we do; it is amazing that the burden of these expectations does not snuff out life right at its inception.
We grow, we move ahead in life and soon it’s us who starts expecting from those that matter to us. The presence of a friend is expected to bring us moments of joy, the company of one’s mother, protection and times of serenity. You expect intimacy, moments of shared joy, tenderness with the one that you love or as called more popularly ‘The One’. An expectation of a happy future, replete with joy and security. This forms the basis of many late hour talks that seem foolish when later on the fickle nature of the fates strike home; and how absolutely unimposing we are on the course of time.
If these expectations define who we are and are responsible for bringing a smile to our lips, they are also our bane. They destroy us, twist us out of shape and throw us in a corner to writhe in pain, sorrow and utter humiliation. Humiliation, for you dare to open yourself up to someone and they stomp all over you. Everyone remembers his first denied toy, the first ice cream that spilled out of the cone onto the concrete. The utter failure of realization of these expectations and our reaction might seem acceptable to few, even adorable bordering on becoming a joke; but they warp the soul of the person who dares to expect, who dares to believe and hope for something better than what already is. The sight of crashing expectations isn’t a pretty one to behold, but then losing the motivation to live never is. Yes, for that is what I choose to call an expectation; a reason to live, a reason to hope, a reason to trust someone other than you.
So would it be better if we didn’t feel? We didn’t hope? We didn’t expect?! Maybe if we lived life without expecting, the world would be a better place to have expectations from. Such is the paradox of this human existence.
I don’t have the answer, I never expect to find the answer… ”then what is this?” you ask…
This is me pouring my thoughts out, expecting you to understand if somewhere down the line I stop expecting.
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